Paradise Lost
by queencarla2019
Summary: Carla has had a complete breakdown and is now an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital. Unable to face the hard truths of her present situation, Carla relives a time when she was completely happy; when she & Peter had the world at their feet & paradise in their sights. "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven" John Milton, Paradise Lost


"_The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."_

Paradise. They'd had to sail halfway across the world, leaving the cold grey misery of Weatherfield far behind, to find it. But finally, they'd made it.

Carla floated in the balmy waters of the Caribbean, her arms and legs outstretched, her hands lazily pulling her body slowly through the water. The gentle sea breeze married with the warmth of the midday sun to whisper gently over her tanned body. She revelled in the knowledge that they were alone in this bay, that they were at peace, a feeling that had eluded them during the first eight months of their relationship.

The force of a large object slamming into the water besides Carla shattered this peace. Carla spluttered as water splashed over her; she sat up in the water to glare at a grinning Peter, who had just dive-bombed into the water from the Lady Bronwen, their temporary floating home, that was anchored nearby.

"Peter Barlow!"

With a few quick, powerful strokes Peter swum to where Carla was glaring at him. In one swift movement, he wrapped both arms around Carla and pulled her into an intense and hungry kiss.

Paradise. Something so perfect was always going to be fragile.

"_I sung of Chaos and Eternal Night, taught by the heav'nly Muse to venture down the dark descent, and up to reascend."_

For a time they'd held paradise in their hands; they'd tasted it's perfection. But that paradise was long gone now; a distant memory.

"It's all gone," Carla mused to herself. "Everything's gone."

"Neither of them wanted anything religious so they went for a naming ceremony…"

Slowly Carla's mind returned to the present; to the armchair she was curled up in, her arms wrapped around her knees pulled close into her chest, her cheek resting on her hands, her eyes closed. She could hear other patients scattered about the common room of the psych ward; women who would surely understand the turmoil inside Carla's mind; but women who Carla didn't hesitate to shun. She thought she could do this on her own. Well, almost on her own.

She sat and listened to that voice; that smooth, resonant voice that had healed her so many times in the past. Even now in her hopelessness that voice still had the power to calm her when all she wanted to do was scream.

Sat in the armchair next to Carla's, Peter talked casually about the everyday events on Coronation Street, all the while intently watching the woman he adored; the woman who was now rocking gently, her body folded over into an almost foetal position, completely disengaged from life.

"Of course Claudia sticking her oar in put Beth's nose out of joint. But in the end, little Bertie had his naming ceremony. Dad's so proud of his new grandchild, a new baby in the family…"

Peter paused and searched Carla's face for any hint of emotion; any reaction at all.

"I saw Johnny before I came here today. He really wants to come and see you."

"No." No hesitation; Carla did not want to see her father.

"Roy as well."

"I wanna see Kate."

"Oh, love, I dunno. She's… I think you need to give Kate some more time."

"Have you even asked her to come?"

"Kate's still very… angry. I don't think –"

Carla turned to look at Peter for the first time.

"Peter, either you get Kate here or you don't bother coming back. At all."

Peter stared back at Carla in shock.

"I'm serious."

Carla softened; she looked Peter in the eye, silently imploring him.

"I need to see her, Peter. I need to explain. Please."

"_Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will to love or not; in this we stand or fall."_

While Peter treaded water frantically, Carla wrapped her legs around Peter's waist; his arms around hers. Carla ran her fingers through his hair as they kissed; passionately, completely, their tongues entwined together, their breath hot, panting. His right hand ran down her back and onto her arse; he gave it a quick squeeze, forcing a giggle from Carla's mouth. With the other hand, he reached up to the back of her neck and untied the bow holding her bikini top in place.

He pulled away from their kiss, reaching up to pull the tiny triangles of Carla's bikini top away from her breasts. Cupping a breast gently in each hand, Peter left a trail of soft kisses along Carla's jawline and down her neck.

With her legs still wrapped around Peter, Carla leaned away from him so that she was floating on her back in the water, exposing her breasts in all their glory for Peter's eyes to feast on. He felt his cock twitch inside his budgie smugglers as he watched her breasts bob in and out of the water.

He reached out to caress Carla's breasts, pulling her body back up to meet his, all the while tracing a path of kisses and little licks up her tummy and over her breasts. She moaned, a deep guttural moan, as he flicked her nipples with his tongue. She ran her hands through his hair as she lowered her head to nibble on his ear.

Caught up in the moment, he momentarily forgot to tread water; they quickly sank into the water before disentangling themselves from each other's limbs and rising to the surface. They both laughed with abandon before coming back together for a soft lingering kiss. Peter nuzzled her neck while she smiled up at the universe, completely happy and content.

"I thought we could go ashore later so you could call Simon."

Peter froze; he stopped nuzzling her neck and moved away from her.

"Where did that come from?"

"You haven't called him once since we left. I mean, you do miss him, don't you?"

"How can you say that? Of course I miss him. I hate being apart from him. But…"

"What?"

"Everything I put him through. I can't do that again. I gotta sort myself out first."

"Baby, you have sorted yourself out. You're doing great."

"I'm not. I'm really not. I crave it, you know. The booze. Every single day. I think about it constantly. I want it. I want to drink."

"But you don't. That's the important thing."

"I can't put Si through all that again. _I_ need to know that I won't go back there again before I come back into his life. He deserves better than that."

Carla lovingly stroked Peter's face.

"You know, baby, this thing isn't going away. This need to drink. This is something you will struggle with for the rest of your life."

"Thanks for that."

"No, Peter. What I meant was…" Carla took a deep breath. "Listen, darlin', if you wait until everything in your life is perfect before you try and be a father to Si, then you never will. And I can guarantee that you will lose him again. For good this time."

Carla affectionately tugged at Peter's ear.

"Look, you've been sober for, what?"

"Seventy-two days."

"Seventy-two days? Is that right?"

Carla planted a series of quick kisses on Peter's lips, his cheek, his jawline, his neck.

"Yeah."

She looked him in the eye.

"I am so proud of you. And Simon will be too."

She kissed him full on the lips, her lips parted, her tongue forcing his lips open as it darted into his mouth. He moaned into her mouth, his tongue fighting with hers, circling hers.

She pulled away from him, gently sucking on his lower lip as their mouths parted. He leaned in to kiss her again but she pulled her face away and put a finger to his lips.

"So, are we going ashore later or not?"

He stared at her long and hard. She stared back, a cheeky glint in her eye. He soon grinned back at her.

"Yes. Fine, whatever you say."

"Good lad. Now, can we please get back to the matter at hand?"

"What? You mean this hand?" He cups one of Carla's breasts in his hand, his thumb gently caressing her nipple.

"Or this one?" With a wicked grin on his face, he reached beneath the surface of the water and slipped his free hand into Carla's bikini briefs.

A dirty giggle from Carla was soon replaced by a soft moan as Peter's fingers found her clit, gently moving against it in a smooth rhythmic circular motion. Never stopping his assault on her clit, he reached back and curved two fingers deep inside her. Pure pleasure coursing through her body, she shut her eyes and leaned her head back, her face an offering of worship to the clear blue skies.

Paradise.

"_Never can true reconcilement grow where wounds of deadly hate have pierced so deep."_

"I'm here. What does she want?"

Carla's eyes flew open with an uneasy trepidation. Peter had stayed true to his word; he had brought Carla's sister to visit her.

"Hi." Now that the moment had come, Carla didn't know what to say. "How are you?"

"How am I? You're seriously asking me how I am?" Kate turns to Peter, "I'm sorry, this was a mistake. I'm outta here."

Carla jumped up and grabbed hold of Kate's arm, desperate for her not to leave. But Kate shook her off with a dirty look.

"Kate, please. Please just talk to me." Carla begged, a truly pitiful sight; her face pale and drawn, her hair wild and untamed; she's dressed not in her usual stylish attire, but in a simple tracksuit, her feet bare on the cold tiled floor.

For the smallest fleeting moment, Kate softened.

"Please, Kate, you're my sister."

Kate laughed; not a pleasant laugh; a haunted and incredulous laugh; her face contorted with a barely masked hatred and simmering rage.

"What do you want from me? Forgiveness? A sisterly hug to assuage your guilt?"

Kate took a step towards Carla and whispered venomously into her ear, "Let's get one thing straight. You and me, we're not sisters. You are nothing to me. Nothing."

Carla cried openly now, but she didn't fight back. She knew she deserved everything that Kate was dishing out.

"I wish with all my heart that we'd never found out about you. That my dad was… your dad. Because every single person in this family you get close to ends up dead. Paul. Liam. Aidan. And now Rana. My Rana. It's all you, you are the root cause of everything. We were happy before we came here; before we found out about you."

"_Then wilt thou not be loath to leave this Paradise, but shalt possess a Paradise within thee, happier far."_

Carla and Peter floated together, side-by-side on their backs, hand-in-hand. Paradise.

Their eyes closed, they didn't immediately see the sky turn dark, the clouds roll in fast like only those marking the start of a tropical storm can. The wind whipped the water into angry white peaks and then the heavens opened.

This is it. This is the end of everything; the end of Paradise.

Caught unawares, Carla and Peter struggled to swim back to the Lady Bronwen, the violence of the flash storm stronger than either of them. As the waves crashed over their heads, Carla tasted the salt water in her mouth, in her lungs. She was choking, spluttering, sinking into the water; drowning.

She felt two strong arms around her; pulling her to safety. But the force of mother nature was too strong and Carla was ripped out of Peter's arms. She felt herself free-falling, sinking into the water. She had no fight left; no strength left for yet another fight.

Her head was spinning; her eyes felt like they will burst; blasts of white light smashed against her inner eye; a searing pain ripped through her lungs.

She always knew it would end someday. Paradise lost.

"_Freely they stood who stood, and fell who fell."_

Carla felt those strong arms around her again. Cradling her as she sobbed at the sister who had just walked out of her life.

It might have been an age that he sat with her, stroking her back, her hair, wiping away her tears; but he doesn't tire of it, and he never will. Finally, she is calm, cried out, there are no more tears. For now.

"What am I gonna do if she never forgives me? I can't, I just can't do it. I can't go on, Peter."

Peter sighed and reached out to hold her cheek in his palm, gently caressing her face with his thumb.

"She might forgive you one day. She might not. I don't know."

Carla looked at him reproachfully.

"I'm sorry, love, but that's the truth. And you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for something that might never happen. You need to forgive yourself. And if you ever wanna get out of this place, then you have to make a decision that your life can go on. It will go on. You can't wait for someone else to give it to you. Not Kate. Not me. It's up to you."

"What if I don't deserve it?"

"Then all the more reason to make it count."

Peter reached out and cradled Carla's face with both hands now, one on each cheek. The tears fell again unrestrained down her cheeks.

"You need to make a decision, sweetheart. Are you gonna sink or swim?"


End file.
